My retirement went to wall street and all I got was this lousy t-shirt...

Occupy Wall Street has taken us by storm. You'd never know it to listen to or watch the media coverage, though. First they wouldn't cover it at all. Then they got shamed into it (or more likely just decided it might be good for ratings). Then they told us it was just spoiled white kids and hippies who forgot where to go to the bathroom. Huh?

So, what are we complaining about, you ask? Do we even know? Glad you asked! We, THE PEOPLE, are not Republicans. Not Democrats. We are PISSED OFF. What's that? You think we don't even know what we're protesting about here? Bless yer little heart, honey. Sit yer self down fer a spell and let ol' Maimeo explain it to ya.

We are protesting the fact that three years ago Wall Street destroyed 20% of our national net worth and not one person involved has been held responsible. We're "upset about the fact that Wall Street has iron control over the economic policies of our country and that one party is a wholly owned subsidiary of Wall Street and the other party caters to them, as well". [thank you, Alan Grayson for that quote]
I love the thoughts of one lovely 93 year old woman, Esther, who says "Social Security is our money. Workers fund Social Security, not the government. And Social Security didn't cause their budget deficit, so why is Congress even considering breaking its promise to millions who need it now and in the future?" She goes on to say "Let's put billionaires on notice. The tax breaks are over. Let's put corporations on notice. The loopholes are over. Let's put Congress on notice. Americans of all ages expect YOU to keep Social Security's promise." So wise.
Here's an idea: let's make the banks bail us all out by refinancing our home loans at 3.75%! HA!
Alan Grayson was mocked by a clownish, Econ 101 flunkee for his candor regarding why OWS protesters are upset. P.J. O'Rourke laughed at him and ridiculed him by suggesting he get a bongo drum and become the spokesman for OWS. Grayson's calm demeanor and intelligent, well-researched response was clear. He said, "If I am a spokesman for all the people who think we should not have 24 million in this country who can't find a full time job, 50 million people in this country who can't see a doctor when they're sick, that we shouldn't have 47 million people in this country who need government help in order to feed themselves and we shouldn't have 15 million families who owe more on their mortgage than on the value of their home - okay, I'll be that spokesman." He was given a standing ovation that could be felt nationwide.
Oh, and occupy this thought, NYPD... the first amendment to the U.S. Constitution is part of the Bill of Rights. The amendment prohibits the making of any law interfering with the right to peaceably assemble. Just in case you hadn't heard...
Now, give me back my retirement. [cue cheesy grin here]

If I am what I eat, I must be nuts

Well, what a way to end the summer break before heading back to work on Friday. First a check under the hood followed by getting the headlights looked at and then off to have my windows checked. And last, but not least, a brake job. Next up - a check of the exhaust system.

Now, of course, only one of those really IS about a car. The rest? Let's just say I'm in excellent health!

I take my health very seriously, but that doesn't mean I can't lighten things up a bit, now does it? I encourage everyone to make sure you get your checkups and screenings scheduled and done.

I plan on living long enough to become a wrinkly, dried up ol' lady! Not one of those grouchy ones who always complains about her aches and pains and "today's young people". No, sir! I want to take the other path and be one of the old folks everybody loves. Sweet, docile and a joy to be around. That way, if/when I get a little nutty or fart with every step across a crowded room or ask loudly 'what are we doing here?' in the middle of my great grandson's nuptials, people will smile and make sure I am well cared for and just love me.

So if you want to have wheelchair races with me at the old folk's home someday and laugh and giggle our way to the very end, please get your annual gyno/prostate exams, mammograms, eyes checked out and a colonoscopy. And get your brakes done on your car when they need it! What good is excellent health if you can't stop in time?

A healthy attitude is contagious but don’t wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier.

Life is too short to drink bad wine

Uh-oh, writer's block... Is this it? I know what I want to write about, I just can't seem to get started. Hmmmm.... well, then off to Purple Smile Wines for some tasting to get the creative juices flowing. Literally.

I love wine. Good wine. So much so that recently I decided to just slow 'er down a tad. But as the ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus said, "Be moderate in order to taste the joys of life in abundance." Makes sense to me. So my few tastes of the good fruit add up to a glass and now I'm burning up the keyboard like a secretary from Mad Men after a slap on the fanny!

When Pat and I see a film in the theatre we can't bring ourselves to pay laughable amounts of money for popcorn and sodas. Thus we bring the Beer Purse. We put a couple beers or a bottle of vino in it along with some nuts, cheese, etc and sit in the back row, enjoying the film in style. This worked great until one evening I accidentally knocked the empty bottle over and it rolled downhill all the way to the front row and everyone giggled as it 'clanked' when it hit. You could hear it rolling and picking up speed all the way down. argh... The next time we hunkered down a few rows from the back in a fairly empty theatre and sure enough some people came along and sat down right behind us. "Hello, people! There's something wrong with the other 97 empty seats in this theatre? You just HAD to sit behind US?" Ahem...

I don't even really care that much about having this beverage in the theatre. It's the sneaking it in and getting away with it that keeps me coming back (reminds me of sneaking Wendy into the drive-in movies in the trunk of the car back in high school). Now some theatres are even stooping so low as to check purses upon entry. So, how do we attend to this situation? We buy The Wine Rack! No, silly, not a wine rack. THE Wine Rack - it's a sports bra with a bladder in it that holds an entire bottle of wine or other beverage of choice. But wait! There's more! Added benefit - it makes me look like a DD. Talk about a rack! Check THAT, Cinema dude! HA! The only worry is that if it's filled with red wine and springs a leak... how do you explain you're lactating cabernet?

Well, besides wearing a purple shirt and drinking up in a hurry (not a good option) I would have to just chalk it up to another teachable moment and laugh about it.

Either way, wine to me is not just a beverage. It's art. It's passion. It's good food, good company and good health. Perhaps it's pleasing to me because as I age, I slow down a little and see things differently than when I was much younger. I see the importance of enjoying every day and the components I've mentioned all lead to a richer life.

"With years a richer life begins, the spirit mellow: ripe age gives tones to violins, wine and good fellows" John Townsend Trowbridge

"When the fun is done, the adventure begins"

That quote is from a dear little boy who sees the world through innocent eyes. Have you ever wondered what life would be like if adults would communicate with each other the way children do? Just walk into a room where you know no one and see how long it takes another adult to approach you. But watch the kids and they will immediately be drawn to each other like magnets and begin playing together. No need for introductions. Like puppies at the 'arf park' - same thing. They simply enjoy the camaraderie without inhibitions.

I spent the weekend camping with dear friends and family on Camano Island with several children in attendance. Sitting back and watching them interact with each other and with adults was fascinating. They will not only 'say it like it is', but while they are speaking they may stroke your hair or play with your jacket zipper as matter-of-factly as if they were sipping a cup of coffee during conversation. Gives me cause to take an introspective look at how I communicate with others.

Next time I'm at Boundary Bay Brewery I'm going to strike up a conversation with whomever is sitting next to me and challenge him or her to a hula hooping contest and see where it takes us. Who knows, I may make a friend for life. But don't expect me to play with their zipper!

Wonder Woman may be stacked, but she doesn't know Jack about...

Sssshhhhhhhhhhhhhh... don't tell anyone, but, I have secret powers. Yes, sirree. Truth is, I've known this for a long time.

[cue: Superman theme song]

Years ago I worked in customer service and a visitor remarked "You are a very capable woman!", and there it was... my new SuperHero name: Capable Woman. I even had a nametag to prove it. Well, it was better than the old nametag: B.O.W. That one was merely for a coworker who apparently didn't care much for me as her lead and was sharing with anyone and everyone that I was the Bitch On Wheels. So, of course, I had the nametag made in order to put an end to her malicious, defamatory remarks. It worked, too! But I digress...

It has recently come to my attention that the middleborn child (which I am) is not the neglected, overlooked and confused mess our society has characterized us as for so long. Research has shown that we are 'beholders of secret powers'. Yeah! Turns out the archaic perception of middleborns as being resentful loners with a negative outlook on life and shying away from the spotlight has been wrong all along. Well, duh... Capable Woman could've told you that! We are "self-aware team players with remarkable diplomatic skills" according to this research. We are outgoing, flexible, motivated more by fairness than money and have a deep sense of family, friends and loyalty. We are not a supercilious bunch, although we tend to assess others based on how they treat another living being. Well now, these are superpowers I can be proud of!

I see all of us as having these traits and more - regardless of our birth order. I believe we are molded by our families, life experiences and society's perceptions and labels put upon us. It is up to each of us to set the record straight and show the world our best selves.

Now, if only my secret powers could transport me to Olive Garden where Mr. Wonderful awaits my arrival. SuperHeroes aren't supposed to be late for lunch!

We the Peeps...

That's it! I'm starting my own country. It shall be known as Moxie. It'll be a micro-nation so we'd better have micro-homes, microbreweries and micro-workweeks. We'll skip the microphones and microwaves, thank you very much. We, the peeps, will be proud of our autonomy and simplicity. We will not feel the need for constant reassurance that we are the greatest country in the world, because it just won't matter. We will have no debt issues due to the fact that we will have no monetary base. Our tribe will enjoy life's necessities and appreciate anything more than that as a condition of great ease and comfort. Life in Moxie is simple. Our basic philosophy is taken directly from Robert Fulghum's All I Ever Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten. The following is an excerpt from his book.


Wisdom was not at the top of the grad school mountain, but there in the sandpile at Kindergarten. Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Share everything.

Play fair.

Don't hit people.

Put things back where you found them.

Clean up your own mess.

Don't take things that aren't yours.

Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

Wash your hands before you eat.

Flush.

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.

Take a nap every afternoon.

When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.

Be aware of wonder.

Remember the Dick and Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Take any of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or your government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if all - the whole world - had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.
Robert Fulghum, 1990.©

LOOK. LISTEN. BREATHE.

Some Like It Hot... or Heatless In Seattle

sheilacarsonphotography.com

Hell, at this point I'd even take lukewarm. While the rest of the country is sweltering in record heat, our beautiful Pacific Northwest has been experiencing the coldest, wettest summer I can remember. Last month I kept referring to it as JUNuary. Now, in July, I am calling it JUvember. We're talking low to mid-sixties, clouds and rain. LOTS of rain. In fact, we have had a grand total of 78 minutes of 80+ degree temps this year. That's right... I said minutes. [Thanks, la Nina, you little bitch.]

Now, I'm a very positive-minded woman but even the most optimistic person is going to get a tad annoyed with this eventually. So, what to do, what to do? Hmmmm....

• Join the 'Debbie Downers' and complain? What fun is that?

• Continue to try to convince myself it'll get here before Halloween? Well, maybe. Nah...

• Remind myself of the many benefits? Sure!

1) we're saving a lot of money this summer on water

2) it's easy to put on a sweater

3) when the sun finally does make an appearance we'll appreciate it even more

4) if we were sitting here in 90+ degree heat, we'd be wanting our cool, wet weather back and our beautiful PNW would not be so beautiful.

sheilacarsonphotography.com

So, what do we do?
We are Washingtonians, people! And we are going to get out there and LIVE IT UP! And we will LIKE it! Let's get out the Hula Hoop, ride our bicycles, hike, kayak, get a coffee and sit outside until happy hour. Then we'll sit outside some more and enjoy a libation with someone wonderful. If we need to dress in layers, we will, because around here... that's-what-we-do. So simple we almost forgot it. I have a watercolor painting that reminds me to "Smile at the rain". Good advice. I have always taught my sons that life is not so much what happens to you, but how you react to it. Same here. So if I want to get my 'floaty thing' out on the lake in the rain, I will!

"Hey, Ria, do you want beer or wine?! We'll tan our boobs! Hoist the canopy!"

sheilacarsonphotography.com

Now... where did I put my umbrella and rainboots?










Photos courtesy of sheilacarsonphotography.com

Woop, here it is...

Yep. Middle age. The dreaded 'getting older'. Time for longer sleeves, shorter hair, mental-pause and the drying up of the va-jay-jay. [cue 'record scratch' sound fx here] zzzzzzzzzzzzp!! Or at least that's what my mother's generation and generations before hers would tell me. I am 51. I look ... well ..., that's up to 'the eye of the beholder', I suppose. I feel ageless. If I feel great and look great, why shouldn't I BE great? My husband, Pat, really IS my best friend but Ria is the one close friend I share my deepest, darkest secrets with. We laugh. We run through sprinklers on the golf course. We go pantiless under sundresses. And why not? Life isn't about stages or milestones or changes as much as it is living each day to it's fullest potential. I've heard the now-over-used phrase that when I die I want to go "sliding into homebase", basically saying I'm not going to give into other people's ideas of what my middle aged behavior should be and just sit down and wait it out. I'm going to keep on riding my bike, acting in theatre, laughing - loud and hearty, drinking good wine, enjoying intimacy with Pat, and more.



Clearly, I like quotes, whether they be inspiring, funny, sentimental... and one of my all-time favorites is "Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional." I have been saying this for years and I just saw it on a readerboard the other day. Made me smile. And then I took off my panties.