Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever

A young boy said to his mother, 'How old were you when I was born?' His mother replied, '28.' 'Wow, that's a lot of time we missed spending together.' 


I love that quote. How beautiful that a child would be so connected to the mother/child  bond that he would see the value of time shared with family.
  

Mom, 1959

When I was a little girl, all my stuffed animals and dolls became my babies, each having their own name and personality. All I wanted was to be a mommy when I grew up. I loved sitting and watching my mother "put on her face", or bake a pie. Saturday mornings she would wake us up by opening the curtains to let that God-awful bright light in, singing very loudly in her wonderful soprano voice "Oh, what a beautiful morning..." as we groaned and begged her to stop while secretly loving it! I would picture myself someday as a mom with my own child watching me go through my day or pulling the pillow over his head to drown out my voice as I tried to wake him from a deep sleep.

Drew & me, 1988

As the years passed and daily life in the average American household changed, I held tight to that dream of becoming someone so important to such a tiny person whom I would someday hold in my arms and love unconditionally. The most important person in his universe. Someone so tiny. Someone who relied on me and trusted me from the moment he first opened his eyes and gazed into mine. There were those who ridiculed me for wanting motherhood as my chosen path in life, but I held tight to my desire to have a family. I have never regretted that decision.

Chris and me, 1989

Before I became a mother I had never been peed on, pooped on, barfed on or drooled on. I slept through the night, usually had a clean house and showered every day. I also had never felt the warmth of a soft, little baby snuggle into my body or fall asleep on me. I had never sat up at night just to watch someone sleep or listen to him breathe. I had not listened to a child tell me of his dreams while sitting on my lap and playing with my hair. I had never felt my heart break when I couldn't stop his pain or sadness. I had no idea how it would feel to know the sheer joy of a baby's giggle or a first step.

Drew and me, 2011

I cried when my firstborn started kindergarten and again when my youngest received his college diploma. The pain of letting go is equal to the joy of watching them spread their wings and take flight. It's altogether terrifying and yet thrilling to go through this life with these little boys. To watch them grow into kind young men with lives of their own, watch them become parents themselves is a culmination of my life's purpose. An achievement that speaks of itself.

Chris and me, 2009

My children have delighted me with their recipes for corn juice ("you need an apple press and lots of corn") and chocolate mousse ("well, Mom, first you have to catch the moose..."). They have amazed me with their intelligence, wit and charm. They have inspired me with their musical talent and achievement of goals. But mostly they have made me so very proud to call them my sons and my friends.




That's not to say that kids won't hesitate to remind Mom of all the things she did "wrong" once they become knowledgeable teens. A mother can take those moments and have regrets or she can calmly say to them, "You know, you didn't come with instructions. Every new stage you go through as a young boy or man, I go through with you as a first time mother." We survive the difficult years, and hopefully as they mature they come back to love you and respect you more than ever.  

 

Mom with her first Great-Grandson

My own mother raised five of us with little to no help from our father. She always had enough time and love to make each of us feel important and cared for. She wasn't the perfect mom. Neither am I. But she gave me what I needed to become a positive role model in my own children's lives. In the last few years she has become increasingly frail. This beautiful woman who gave birth to me, colored pictures with me, wiped my tears and always had open arms for me when I needed a hug. To watch her go through this process is both sad and scary. I find myself in a role reversal where I, along with my siblings, am caring for her now, as she once cared for me. I am reminded to be patient, calm, tolerant, kind and a giver of my time. I may have to listen to the same stories again and again, help her to find comfort and confidence when she feels lost, make sure she never feels alone and just be with her and understand her as she enters her final stages of life, to be there for her as she always was for me.


As I write this I realize it's just past midnight, Mother's Day, 2012. So to all moms, young and old, moms 'due any day now', mothers who have lost their children, mothers who still dream of the day... I wish you all a very happy day filled with love and fond memories. And may we all remember our own mothers with love, respect and admiration for all they gave to us and all they gave up for us.

Mom with my Grandmother, 1940's